Does my uncle have dementia? What to notice at Thanksgiving and what to do next.

He told the same story about the fishing trip three times before dinner was over. She got up to check on something in the kitchen and came back looking briefly lost. He couldn’t follow the card game he taught you twenty years ago. You didn’t say anything. Nobody did. But on the drive home, you couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Holiday gatherings have a way of surfacing things that are easy to miss when you’re not all in the same room. A relative who lives alone, or whose daily life you don’t see up close, can seem suddenly different when you’re all at the table together. You’re not imagining it. And you’re not wrong to wonder.

Is this normal aging, or something more?

Normal aging includes occasional forgetfulness. Misplacing keys, struggling for a word, forgetting an acquaintance’s name — these things happen to most people and don’t usually affect daily life in a meaningful way.

Dementia is different. It’s a general term for problems with memory, thinking, judgment, and reasoning that interfere with everyday activities. Alzheimer’s disease is the most common cause, but not the only one.

The question isn’t simply, “Did they forget?” It’s: what has changed, how often is it happening, and what is the impact?

Occasionally missing a bill is common. Increasing difficulty managing money, understanding a bank statement, or recognizing a scam is worth paying attention to. Forgetting a word and finding it later is common. Repeatedly losing the thread of a conversation, or using unusual words for familiar things, is different. Taking longer with a recipe is one thing. No longer being able to prepare a meal they’ve made for forty years is another.

Memory isn’t the only thing to watch

Many people expect dementia to begin with memory loss. Sometimes it does. But the first changes are sometimes in behavior, judgment, or mood. Someone may become more suspicious, anxious, or irritable than usual. They may stop initiating things they used to enjoy, or seem overwhelmed by situations they always handled comfortably. They may make out-of-character decisions, miss familiar safety steps, or become more vulnerable to scams.

Before drawing conclusions, notice the context. Is the room noisy? Has the routine changed? Are they tired, unwell, or struggling to hear the conversation? These details matter, and they’re useful to have when you speak to a doctor.

Holidays can reveal things, but they’re not a clinical test

A holiday gathering is busy, loud, and emotionally charged. Travel, unfamiliar surroundings, a later bedtime, alcohol, and a crowded room can make anyone seem more confused or withdrawn than usual. One off day doesn’t tell you much.

But relatives who don’t see each other often sometimes notice a change that a daily caregiver has gradually adapted to. A familiar tradition can reveal that someone is struggling with something they used to do easily. That’s worth taking seriously.

It is reasonable to notice these things. It is not helpful to turn the day into an investigation.

Don’t quiz a loved one in front of the family. “What year is it?” or “Do you remember who this is?” creates embarrassment without giving you useful information. Don’t argue about what they said, force a correction, or treat one unusual moment as a verdict. Pay attention to specific examples instead: did they repeat a question several times? Did they seem confused about where they were? Did they struggle with something that used to come naturally? Did it feel new?

What to do after the gathering

If the concern stays with you, talk privately with one or two family members who were there. Compare what each person noticed. You’re not building a case, you’re trying to figure out whether a medical conversation would be helpful.

Write down a few specifics: when you first noticed something, how often it seems to happen, whether it’s getting worse. Note any recent illness, medication changes, sleep problems, falls, or changes in mood. Bring that to a primary care clinician. A good evaluation looks at the whole picture: medications, physical health, mood, cognitive function, and checks for treatable causes like vitamin deficiencies, thyroid problems, or depression before assuming anything larger.

One important exception: sudden confusion needs prompt attention. A change that develops over hours or days can be delirium, often temporary and treatable, but sometimes a sign of infection, dehydration, or another acute issue. So don’t wait on that one.

The point isn’t to diagnose anyone over turkey

It’s to take meaningful changes seriously, especially when they’re new, repeated, and affecting everyday life. Noticing something isn’t the same as overreacting. Asking for help isn’t taking something away from someone you love. It’s making sure they have the right support while they can still be part of the decisions that affect their life.

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Lizzy Care is here to help families navigate the changes that come with dementia, from early concerns to everyday care decisions. Click “ Get Started ” for a free consultation or visit hilizzy.com/guide/check/ to see if your family may be eligible for free support through Medicare.

This article is for general education and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Contact a qualified healthcare professional for new, sudden, or concerning symptoms.