Ask Dr. Marc: “My Dad was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I’m nervous about telling the family at Thanksgiving. What should I do?”

The first conversation should be with your loved one. How much do they want people to know? Are they comfortable sharing the diagnosis, or would they rather keep that information private? Their wishes should guide what you share and how you share it. And if they want family to know, they do not have to be the person who tells everyone.

Plan for what your loved one can comfortably manage. A six-hour gathering may no longer feel enjoyable to him/her. It may be tiring, frustrating, or disorienting. A shorter visit or fewer people at once might work better. Tell family beforehand what will be different this year and why.  People will respond better when they’ve been given time to adjust their expectations.

Give people a heads-up before they arrive. Thanksgiving dinner is not the time to announce a diagnosis or start a family discussion about someone’s memory. A phone call beforehand gives people time to understand what is happening and think about how they can help.

You can keep it simple: “We’ve noticed some changes in memory, and we’ve been seeing the doctor. You may notice a few differences since last year.” If your loved one wants the diagnosis shared, you can include that. If they are still being evaluated, say so. You do not need to share more than they are comfortable with.

Relatives have probably noticed something already. In geriatrics, I often find that people have a sense of what is happening before they know how to put it into words. Opening the conversation can give them permission to acknowledge their concerns, too.

Tell folks what support looks like. Let visitors know ahead of time that patience and reassurance will be more helpful than pointing out a mistake. Criticizing memory lapses is not productive.  If your loved one does not want the diagnosis discussed during the visit, make that clear.

Be specific about what would help you, the caregiver. Ask someone to spend time with your loved one while you prepare the meal, or take a turn so you can sit down and enjoy being with everyone. You are allowed to ask for a break!

Each month, Dr. Marc Rothman, our CEO and a seasoned geriatric expert, addresses your concerns, providing practical advice and compassionate solutions to the challenges faced by those caring for loved ones with dementia. Whether you’re looking for strategies to manage daily care routines or need clarity on medical aspects of dementia, Dr. Marc is here to help. Join us to explore his responses to community questions and submit your own queries to deepen your understanding and enhance your caregiving journey.

If there’s a question you’d like to ask Dr. Marc send it to us.