Ask Dr. Marc: “My mom moved to assisted living eight months ago. She keeps saying she wants to go home. How do I respond when she asks?”

For families with a loved one in memory care or assisted living, this is one of the most common things we hear. And even knowing that, it never really gets easier to hear.

The instinct is usually to correct her. It makes sense — you want her to feel settled. For someone living with dementia, that kind of correction rarely lands the way you hope. It can actually increase distress, because she is being asked to accept something her brain cannot hold onto.

When someone asks to go home, they’re usually not asking about a specific address. They’re asking for a place that feels familiar and safe. The home she is picturing might not even be the one she moved out of. It might be somewhere from thirty years ago, or just a feeling she cannot quite name.

Instead of correcting, try following her in. Ask her about it. “Tell me about home. What did you love about it?” You are not lying to her, you’re meeting her where she is. And more often than not, those conversations can lead to a memory, a story, something she is proud of or misses. Being listened to is enough to shift the feeling.

A simple acknowledgment helps too. “I know this doesn’t always feel like home yet. That makes sense.” You do not have to fix it. You just have to be there.

Each month, Dr. Marc Rothman, our CEO and a seasoned geriatric expert, addresses your concerns, providing practical advice and compassionate solutions to the challenges faced by those caring for loved ones with dementia. Whether you’re looking for strategies to manage daily care routines or need clarity on medical aspects of dementia, Dr. Marc is here to help. Join us to explore his responses to community questions and submit your own queries to deepen your understanding and enhance your caregiving journey.

If there’s a question you’d like to ask Dr. Marc send it to us.