{"id":227,"date":"2023-03-06T13:42:44","date_gmt":"2023-03-06T13:42:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hilizzy.com\/guide\/?p=5"},"modified":"2025-02-12T17:14:29","modified_gmt":"2025-02-12T17:14:29","slug":"the-difficult-conversation","status":"publish","type":"courses","link":"https:\/\/lizzycare.com\/resources\/course\/the-difficult-conversation\/","title":{"rendered":"Starting the Conversation: Tips for Discussing Dementia with Family"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n
\n



Lizzy Care is reimagining dementia care and providing the resources for today\u2019s needs and tomorrow\u2019s challenges.<\/em><\/em><\/h4>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
\n
\n
Get Started<\/strong><\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

You suspect your loved one has dementia. How should you approach the conversation with them?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Watching a loved one age is incredibly difficult. All caregivers struggle with bringing up the subject of a memory care condition, like Alzheimer\u2019s or dementia, with their loved one. It\u2019s natural to be worried that you will upset or anger a person you care deeply about but dealing with the conversation early can make sure that your loved one still has an input in what they want in terms of care, treatment and support. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Before you talk to your loved one about your thoughts you should spend some time thinking about how they feel. Consider their approach, the way they respond to bad news, their value structure, their attitudes to change and their current capacity for making decisions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t dismiss your loved ones concerns or worries, be an active listener and retain a sense of humor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tips for talking to someone you love about a memory care issue<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Dementia and memory conditions can affect how a person communicates. Your loved one may find it difficult to complete their thoughts so be patient and look out for non-verbal signs of anxiety or irritation. Make sure that only one person is talking at a time and that you\u2019re looking at your loved one when talking to them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Start early <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you have noticed some signs that your loved one may have dementia (see our course on Learning about different types of dementia<\/strong><\/em> for a list of possible symptoms) it is best to discuss it with your loved one early on. The longer you leave it the harder it will become to discuss and you will be delaying getting your loved one the help, treatment and support they need as well as allowing them to be an active voice in their own decision making. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Plan ahead<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are you the right person to have the conversation with your loved one? Is there someone else that can help the conversation? Another family member? One of their good friends? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do it when your loved one is in a good mood. Choose a time of day that\u2019s good for them, that might be first thing in the morning. Do it in a location that they feel comfortable, that\u2019s free of distractions or outside noise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We have suggested ways you can broach the conversation in the next section. <\/em> <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Provide reassurance <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This will be just as scary for your loved one as it is for you and possibly more so. Reassure your loved one that you will be there to support them. New treatments can help support memory loss. You can help them navigate the healthcare system and come to any appointments. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Acknowledge that it won\u2019t be easy <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

No matter how much you plan and how sensitive you try to be, your loved one may not be ready or willing to discuss the changes you\u2019ve noticed. They may become angry or defensive. Don\u2019t force the issue. You can return to the issue in a later conversation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conversation starters<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

When having the conversation it is best to talk in short sentences using a simple vocabulary. Make sure you pause between thoughts  to let things sink in and give your loved one a chance to respond. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

One tactful approach can be to ask if they have noticed any changes in their behavior. Ask them: \u201cHave you noticed the same changes in your behavior that I have?\u201d  Or you can ask them if they would like you to let them know if you\u2019d noticed changes in their behavior. Your loved one may say they haven\u2019t noticed any changes. They may be scared to admit things they\u2019ve noticed or they may not be able to recognize the changes for themselves. Don\u2019t force the issue. Acknowledge your loved one\u2019s feelings and plan to revisit the conversation at a later point. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can also take the approach of planning for the future. Say something like: \u201cI\/we are concerned about what happens if you have a medical event or if you\u2019re in need of additional support. Can we talk about what you\u2019re looking for as you age and I\/we best support you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What should be considered in any discussion<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In this section we outline some of the key items that you should consider discussing with your loved one when you are broaching the topic of memory care. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is probably best not to bring all of this up at once but instead to plan a series of smaller, shorter conversations to cover each topic. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can use the list below as a checklist of items to cover. Some items are more sensitive than others and depending on the exact situation and your relationship with your loved one may not always be appropriate. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Observations and concerns <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n